Flipping the script of life; from teacher to therapist.

I remember when I told people that I was retraining as a counsellor, the shock on their faces was loud. Obviously, a facial expression has no volume, but in that moment, I felt a whole wave of emotions from that one look. They don’t think I can do it, they think I won’t be able to do the studying required, they think I have lost my mind, they think why would I give up a perfectly good career to retrain and start from the beginning.

And what I said to them was this. Life is not a dress rehearsal, I don’t want the Sunday night dread for Monday morning and I want to be in a job that I love. Little did I know it would change my entire life.

How the journey started when there was no start line.

Nobody in my family were teachers. My dad was in IT and my mum in credit control. My siblings were not teachers, my friends were not teachers. So how did I end up as a teacher with an 18 year career? The short answer is holidays. I thought I was going to have loads of holidays, that I would be able to travel lots in that time and do things that I wanted to do every 7 weeks in a school holiday. I had an interesting relationship with school growing up, really only loving it when I got to A-Levels as I got to do subjects that I loved. I was bullied a lot in lower and middle school but then at upper school, I found some good friends (some who I am still friends with now as they are awesome) and I started to really carve out my passions for learning. Music was always there and still is; being able to read music is a complete privilege which I will never forsake and being able to listen to such a variety of music and really appreciate the sounds, the vibrations – I will never get bored of music. The other passion I really started to discover was history – I loved it and was actually really good at it. My history teacher, Mr Humphries was really the reason why I then went on to study it at University as he made it fun and interesting and me to be curious about it. At university though, I could not just do history so the only other thing I found interesting was education studies which was very much about the stuff behind teaching. And again, I absolutely adored my degree. I was never bored, loved to learn, loved to study and find out more about why things happened, what formulated strategies etc.

When my degree ended, I found that I wanted to explore teaching more. I had done some unqualified supply teaching and was actually quite good at it. I enjoyed presenting when at university and thought why not, so I enrolled on a GTP course (Graduate Teaching Programme) and found myself on a placement in a very rural school which I flourished in, around very supportive staff and a headteacher who was absolutely phenomenal and made me grow and aspire to be the best I could be. My Masters in Managing Learning and Teaching followed and I started the road towards leadership. But then came my beautiful boys and put a halt to that with a 15 month age gap. I found that no matter where I taught, I was good at it, I established relationships with staff and parents as well as being able to teach children and inspire them to do their best all the time. I felt fulfilled even with some bumps in my journey which led to being a single mum.

No thank you, you can keep those emotions!

But something was missing for me and it came in the form of well….me. I had never wanted to explore deep emotions, I was a put a brave face on, always smile type of person and focus on the positive and not negative. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me and my journey, I wanted them to see me never quit, keep going, keep doing my best all the time. But in the quieter moments, when I was alone, I would be trying to understand such deep rooted emotions, such deep rooted trauma over the years which I had never addressed or really spoken about, that it would leave an emotional mark on me which nobody would see, but I would shoulder.

I opened the door a crack…

I found a Level 2 Course in Counselling Skills and thought that sounded fun. I had never had counselling, had a very Americanised view of it, that therapists were on a speed dial, they would look a certain way etc. But ultimately, something drew me to that course, to that learning, to that wanting to know more. Maybe it was because I thought I would learn how to put my own emotional passenger to rest if I could counsel myself through my feelings? I don’t know. I found myself loving the learning, loving the reflection and loving the curiosity.

Level 2 was followed by Level 3 which I ended up doing at the same time as my Headship Qualification in school. I knew there was a time coming where I would have to make a choice in my life, a crossroads – would it be education and headship or a leap of faith into counselling. That choice came when deciding about Level 4. Level 4 wasn’t a one night a week course. It wasn’t a fit around other stuff. It wasn’t a squeeze in when you had a moment. It was a commitment. It was a commitment to changing my life, changing from full time teaching to going to supply teaching so I had flexibility for college and placement. It was a massive decision. One that I spent hours and hours thinking about, talking about with close friends and my boys as it would impact them; money, time, space, study – all of it would have some kind of impact on them. And then came along this man who I met… who would then become my husband. I met him at a time of complete change and all he did was… support it. He supported chasing my dreams, he supported the emotional challenges of the course as we would really drill down into things that I had not wanted to discuss as was too painful. He supported….. me. Of course with Level 3 and 4, part of the course is having counselling which was genuinely terrifying as I had avoided that moment my entire life. Tell a complete stranger about my stuff, my box of emotions and memories which I have cello taped up and shoved as far back on my inner shelves as possible. They would make me explore it all, face those emotions and relationships which I really didn’t want to. What pain, what challenge it brought but also what growth it brought too. It made me decide this is for me, this is my future.

1,2,3 and jump!

And so in July of 2022 I left teaching and became a student again. I learnt about so much mental health stuff… presenting issues I had never heard of, structures and patterns that at times were hard to learn about as you recognise them and the toxicity they can hold. But then in the midst of the learning, essay writing, personal growth, supply teaching, raising children etc came my placement. My placement taught me so much and was a complete privilege but was so much more than that. It cemented that I had made the best choice ever. I loved every minute of counselling even with the information you hear, the clients you metaphorically hold. It was all such an incredible privilege and one that continues to this day. I made a decision then and there that I was going to have my own private practise, that I would work for an agency too and that everything was going to be incredible.

Just keep swimming….

However. My dream was not reality. I was very lucky to get hired by an amazing agency that I still work for two days a week but private pracise has taken time to build. I was shocked when my diary was not fully booked. My husband was very good though and sat me down. The words of wisdom from him are immense and I probably don’t give him enough credit. He said to me “you are an unknown entity. It will take time to build a client base as people don’t know you. Don’t give up, keep putting yourself out there and keep trying. Don’t get disheartened, Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

Obviously, he was right! I have spent hours…..tens of hours….hundreds of hours maybe, building my practice. From social media pages, to website building (yes, I built it and I am not tech savvy), to business cards, to leaflets, to printed clothing. It all has helped me to build a growing private practise I have now. It has been slow and steady, I have questioned my choices at times too. Financially, it has been challenging especially as being self-employed doesn’t have a regular, stable pay cheque. But more importantly then the money, the promoting, the learning has been the journey itself. When I reach out to new clients I am so proud to be considered as their therapist for their counselling journey. I know how it feels to sit in that chair. I know how it feels to open that box. I know how it feels to even look at that memory. I do feel my somatic trauma therapy qualification as well as creative counselling offer has helped to settle emotions that can start to feel overwhelming that clients can feel.

Never stop moving forward.

As a psychotherapist, counsellor, therapist – whatever you want to call me I hold onto this. Being part of your journey is a true honour. I am also on my journey of life which comes with twists and turns too, no road is ever straight. I choose to get up each day and see the positive. Find those glimmers each day, even if you have to search for them. Never stop being curious; why do you feel like that, is it nourishing you, can you let others be and be happy with you? In the words of Irvin Yalom, a psychotherapist who’s work has really impacted my own work, “the act of revealing oneself fully to another and still being accepted, may be the major vehicle of therapeutic help”.

I am here, we can walk together. Let’s do this.

Disclaimer

Please note this blog is for informational / reflection purposes only. It does not substitute medication or provide diagnosis or advice. If you are experiencing any mental health problems, please contact a qualified health care provider or professional.

This blog is not to be used as advice or actions, it is purely a reflection by the author on a subject of their interest.