How everyday life is robbing you of your idenitity. How often in the media are we hearing about identity theft? In 2025, identity fraud / theft in the UK continues to be a significant problem, with a reported 10% increase in fraudulent activity detected and prevented in the first quarter compared to the same period in 2024. Specifically, £129 million in fraudulent activity was detected and prevented in Q1 2025 , according to Experian. This increase is largely due to criminals targeting bank accounts and financial services using stolen or fake identities. We are constantly being told to be aware of scam messages, things being too good to be true, low cost activities, even through bag snatches, identities being stolen. Whilst all of this is very real and can be very alarming, I am talking about a different kind of identity theft. One that is subtle, so silent, so slow, that we rarely even notice that it has happened until something happens in our lives which shakes us and we realise, we don't know who we are anymore; that we have been moulded due to identities we have taken on. Even from birth, we gain multiple identities; your birth name, a sibling to someone, a child to someone and as we grow, that is added to - a friend, a reliable friend, a person of culture or faith. Yes we keep our name, but our identity is added to all the time which in turn does mould our character and shape our future somewhat. For instance, if you are an older sibling, there is an unspoken, at times, responsibility that falls upon your shoulders to protect, to look after the younger one (s). If you are the oldest in the school, there is a responsibility to look after the younger ones, to nurture and guide them. And as we grow up, we take on further identities albeit values also - maybe you become the 'good' one, or the 'quiet' one, or the 'fearless' one - all shaping the things that you will do, the hobbies you grow to do and love and maybe the things that you will also not do because it does not fit the identity that you have grown or have had thrust upon you without any choice but because of your birth environment. As we get into adulthood, again those identities will grow and change and multiply. In my 20's, my identity was added to again when I became a wife and mother to two boys. I was no longer just 'Laura' but I was a multitude of identities - some I loved and some that I took on because it was easier then to try and shake off whilst adapting to motherhood. It is here, that I feel I paused a lot of my identites to focus on two specifically; motherhood and wifehood. I kept my faith identity but my sole focus became this really. I loved both, but one thing, one person I really forgot in all of this was Laura. I forgot how and what made me, well me. I am seeing this more and more as well with clients who have given everything to being something for someone else and have lost themselves, usually totally unintentionally. But with years of focus somewhere else, we forget totally who we are, what we love to do and what us, us. I often spot this in sessions when I say tell me about yourself. I hear I am a mum, I am married, I am in this job, I have these family members - all identites which you have or are part of, but I very rarely hear I like swimming or I love photography etc. Now don't get me wrong - time is always short no matter how we try to time manage - the time thief is always out to steal minutes. But, to keep our identity, we have to be intentional and determined to have a focus always on ourselves. It is not selfish in all the other roles that you hold to hold one also for yourself. In the time you spend a week on others, to spend some time on you. I could write and probably will in the future, about self-care and quality time for yourself, which for so many years of my life was a totally alien concept. Even now, when I say I am taking a self-care day, I am met with looks of 'really' and 'oh lucky you' but I also deserve to make time for me as I am important. To stop the identity thief in his tracks, you must remember who you are, what makes you 'you', what you love to do and do it, take time for yourself within your week - even just a coffee and cake somewhere is making time for you (you would do it for someone else so make yourself that important person too). We want to avoid that empty nest feeling when our children leave home, someone passes away or relationships change. By having an identity of self which you have nurtured and made important time for, you have you to rely on, you to spend time with, you to grow and change with. You are so important - never forget that. Disclaimer Please note this blog is for informational / reflection purposes only. It does not substitute medication or provide diagnosis or advice. If you are experiencing any mental health problems, please contact a qualified health care provider or professional. This blog is not to be used as advice or actions, it is purely a reflection by the author on a subject of their interest.

Duty. One word but so many meanings, so many expectations, so many limitations and such burnout. Some people, they thrive on having duties, it gives them a purpose, an identity, a fabric in which they weave their life, both professionally and personally. Their duties become the values that they live by. But for some, the word duty and the expectation it has, is drowning them as they try to balance their modern life expectations coupled with the generational, cultural, racial and gender based expectations or duties, that are placed upon them. This word really has resonated with me over the last few years - well more like the last 20 years. Writing 20 years feels like such a big number, it makes me feel my tender age of 42, but the duties I feel or should I say, used to feel before cutting the strings that were almost restraining me from living, have been present for years, decades even. When do we first become aware of having a duty - an expectation upon us. Is it as early back as single digits? Is it when we take a pledge in a group or club, we promise to uphold their values, we make it our duty to do so. Is it within a religion or place of worship? We promise to uphold the faith, the teachings, to show our neighbours and community what we are upholding this and being members of the faith by doing so? Is it when we gain a pet? We take on the duty of caring for that pet as they cannot do that without our help - it almost becomes part of the deal of having that pet. As a parent and the pleas for dogs, cats, rabbits and any other animal that comes along have been made over the years, it has been a case of outlining everything that they need doing for them in order to look after them properly - to love and care for them. Are we beginning this road of duty from such a tender young age? But is that ok as we are teaching responsibility, to include the needs of others, to look after our community? Surely if there is no risk to it overtaking our lives then that duty is ok? When trying to find statistics for those who feel a burden, it was hard to even locate! It's impossible to give a precise number of people who feel the burden of a duty, as it's a subjective experience that varies greatly from person to person. However, studies and common sense suggest that a significant portion of the population experiences the feeling of being burdened, whether by obligations, responsibilities, or simply the demands of daily life. So what are some of these demands? How do feel a sense of duty which can impact our daily life, to the point we are not living authentically but more to fulfil the needs of others? A subjective duty is when we feel personally a duty which can start to burden us. It can be influenced by individual stressors in our lives, personalities etc. Age and life stage duties can feel heavy depending on the time. When we become parents, we take on another duty; to love, protect and raise our child(ren). It is a daily duty and one that I regularly get asked the question of "does it get easier" to which my response is along the lines of "it changes". When we leave full time education, we have a duty (most of the time) to get a job, earn an income, become independent and pay for our own things, whether that is rent, mortgage, council tax, bills, food, holidays, credit cards - the list continues! When we get married, we can take on a different duty - the duty of being a wife or husband. These roles have significantly changed over the years, but also carry some very stuck expectations of each role, the "pink and blue jobs" which I hear thrown around in society as a way of designating roles in the house. It is considering these that my thoughts have also come to consider the work presented by Rosjke Hasseldine in her book "The Mother Daughter Puzzle". She has looked at the duties of women in the world and how those expectations have been passed down through the generations. Are we still conforming to age old duties? Are we now living by modern day duties? Or are we actually facing burn out as we are trying to do both? Are we trying to be a stay at home, full time working mum and housewife, whilst also caring for our sick parent or grandparent? Are we trying to work full time hours, whilst getting to every football game or gymnastic competition, whilst also doing all the housework or fixing things around the house, whilst being away and then at home visiting our parents once a week and be a husband? Please forgive me if they fell into any gender specific roles - I was trying to highligh a mix of both from previous generational expectations as well as now - I was actually tired writing the list, imagine living it! Are you? Does any of this resonate? It did with me for many years. Firstly, it is not as easy nowadays to have stay at home parents - financial constraints just don't allow it. And how does society treat those parents? Are they being villified or are they being praised to try and provide for their childrens needs? Are their certain roles in the house or is their jobs that need doing and you work to your strengths? Maybe one person cooks, one person cleans, one person decorates, one person shops - not because it is the duty they have fallen into, but because it is their strength or something they enjoy. And maybe, they are not caring for their elderly or sick relative - not because they don't care about them, but because it is not their duty to, they want to live their life fully and they know they are not equipped to provide that care that the individual needs. How is society with that one? Are they slandered, are they deemed as poor children or grandchildren because they don't want to do that? The word duty originates from a Latin word "debere" meaning to owe or an obligation. It's meaning now, in the Oxford Dictionary is a moral or legal obligation / responsibility. What duty do you want to have? Do you want to have a duty to others? Do you want to have a duty to your culture, faith or tradition? Do you want to have a duty to yourself? Or can it be a mixture of all of those things without guilt, without fear of judgement, without fear of measurement to others? My duty in life is to be my most authentic self. To be a person of faith, a wife, a mother, a family member, a friend, Laura. I am sure even as people read this, they may even question the order I put them in but for me as long as I am all them, including the one at the end, the one that has been lost so many times over the years as I became a mother, or a wife, that I keep to also being Laura. To the duty to myself, to love myself, to take care of myself, to make sure the choices and actions I make are good and wholesome and impact positively those around me including me. What is my duty? Is it to the past or the present? Is it to what society and others around me expect? I believe it is to live authentically, to do the things that make me and others happy but inturn, not sacrificing my happiness. Don't be afraid to be you - you matter, you are valued, you are special! Otherwise we face burnout, we can face heartache, hardship. Baz Luhrmann also said "a life lived in fear is a life half lived". Life fully. Disclaimer Please note this blog is for informational / reflection purposes only. It does not substitute medication or provide diagnosis or advice. If you are experiencing any mental health problems, please contact a qualified health care provider or professional. This blog is not to be used as advice or actions, it is purely a reflection by the author on a subject of their interest.