The Great Identity Thief

How everyday life is robbing you of your idenitity.

How often in the media are we hearing about identity theft? In 2025, identity fraud / theft in the UK continues to be a significant problem, with a reported 10% increase in fraudulent activity detected and prevented in the first quarter compared to the same period in 2024. Specifically, £129 million in fraudulent activity was detected and prevented in Q1 2025, according to Experian. This increase is largely due to criminals targeting bank accounts and financial services using stolen or fake identities. We are constantly being told to be aware of scam messages, things being too good to be true, low cost activities, even through bag snatches, identities being stolen. Whilst all of this is very real and can be very alarming, I am talking about a different kind of identity theft. One that is subtle, so silent, so slow, that we rarely even notice that it has happened until something happens in our lives which shakes us and we realise, we don't know who we are anymore; that we have been moulded due to identities we have taken on.

Even from birth, we gain multiple identities; your birth name, a sibling to someone, a child to someone and as we grow, that is added to - a friend, a reliable friend, a person of culture or faith. Yes we keep our name, but our identity is added to all the time which in turn does mould our character and shape our future somewhat. For instance, if you are an older sibling, there is an unspoken, at times, responsibility that falls upon your shoulders to protect, to look after the younger one (s). If you are the oldest in the school, there is a responsibility to look after the younger ones, to nurture and guide them. And as we grow up, we take on further identities albeit values also - maybe you become the 'good' one, or the 'quiet' one, or the 'fearless' one - all shaping the things that you will do, the hobbies you grow to do and love and maybe the things that you will also not do because it does not fit the identity that you have grown or have had thrust upon you without any choice but because of your birth environment.

As we get into adulthood, again those identities will grow and change and multiply. In my 20's, my identity was added to again when I became a wife and mother to two boys. I was no longer just 'Laura' but I was a multitude of identities - some I loved and some that I took on because it was easier then to try and shake off whilst adapting to motherhood. It is here, that I feel I paused a lot of my identites to focus on two specifically; motherhood and wifehood. I kept my faith identity but my sole focus became this really. I loved both, but one thing, one person I really forgot in all of this was Laura. I forgot how and what made me, well me. I am seeing this more and more as well with clients who have given everything to being something for someone else and have lost themselves, usually totally unintentionally. But with years of focus somewhere else, we forget totally who we are, what we love to do and what us, us. I often spot this in sessions when I say tell me about yourself. I hear I am a mum, I am married, I am in this job, I have these family members - all identites which you have or are part of, but I very rarely hear I like swimming or I love photography etc.

Now don't get me wrong - time is always short no matter how we try to time manage - the time thief is always out to steal minutes. But, to keep our identity, we have to be intentional and determined to have a focus always on ourselves. It is not selfish in all the other roles that you hold to hold one also for yourself. In the time you spend a week on others, to spend some time on you. I could write and probably will in the future, about self-care and quality time for yourself, which for so many years of my life was a totally alien concept. Even now, when I say I am taking a self-care day, I am met with looks of 'really' and 'oh lucky you' but I also deserve to make time for me as I am important.

To stop the identity thief in his tracks, you must remember who you are, what makes you 'you', what you love to do and do it, take time for yourself within your week - even just a coffee and cake somewhere is making time for you (you would do it for someone else so make yourself that important person too). We want to avoid that empty nest feeling when our children leave home, someone passes away or relationships change. By having an identity of self which you have nurtured and made important time for, you have you to rely on, you to spend time with, you to grow and change with. You are so important - never forget that.

Disclaimer

Please note this blog is for informational / reflection purposes only. It does not substitute medication or provide diagnosis or advice. If you are experiencing any mental health problems, please contact a qualified health care provider or professional.

This blog is not to be used as advice or actions, it is purely a reflection by the author on a subject of their interest.